I introduced you to the Four Horsemen, the greatest predictors of divorce. The presence of them is a reflection of thoughts. These thoughts are not benign, rather destructive.
Today we are looking at Contempt and how to take it captive. Left unsupervised, contempt will destroy.
Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. It is expressed in words as well as facial expressions. You see it in sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mocking and hostile humor.
Contempt is conceived in the filter located in our head. This filter is made up of the thoughts we use to interpret the world around us.
The Antidote for Contempt is building an atmosphere of appreciation and respect. It is extinguishing thoughts of moral superiority.
Without examining the thoughts creating the emotion, we cannot simply change our behavior to eradicate contemptuous actions. We must start LIKING our husband in our thought life.
If we are married, then we want to be married. We know that is true because we are still married!
We should quit telling our-self we don’t want to be in the relationship or we wish our man was different. He isn’t. And you want to be married to him. Right? Start telling yourself that.
Next, start telling yourself WHY you want to be married to him. What do you love about him?
Take a negative quality you are attributing to him and flip it.
So for instance you think, “He doesn’t care about my thoughts or feelings.”
Flip #1: “He does care about my thoughts and feelings.” Now look for evidence.
Flip #2: “I don’t care about his thoughts and feelings.” Consider the evidence.
Doing this flip allows your brain to find evidence that he is praiseworthy. It also invites you to challenge your thoughts of moral superiority.
You can do it with the positive attributes you are giving to yourself. “I am so selfLESS.”
Flip #1: “I am so selfish.” Evidence?
Flip #2: “He is so selfLESS.” Evidence?
Bringing you negative thoughts into the light allows you to manage them. Suppressed or indulged they will create trouble.
Contempt manifested as sarcasm is not having a sense of humor. It is not gentle. Nor is it benign. It is suppressed thoughts coming out passive aggressively. It is thoughts you need to be aware of and manage.
Bring all moral superior and negative thinking into the light. Look it in the eyeball and determine if it is serving you. If not, choose new thoughts.
It is so empowering to know that we are not at the mercy of our thought life, but we are the boss of it. And when we manage our thoughts we can create amazing results.
We can create an atmosphere of fondness and admiration starting in our brain. When we do this, we bust contempt.