Creating an impossible marriage starts with you.
You want it to start with him. You want it to involve him changing, but you get to be the one who rises up and shines. You shine because it’s fun to shine. You want to shine. You want to love your life and your man. You want to be married, so why not make it happy?
Ask yourself, if I felt fully loved and loving how would I show up as a wife? List all the things you would be doing. How would you speak? What would you stop doing? How would you love?
Now I am not asking you to change your actions immediately. Trying to change our actions when our brain is in the same place creates resistance. You are relying solely on will-power and you only have that in limited supply. Actions come from our feelings which are created by our thoughts.
You must do the brain and emotional work to get to a new you. The best you. You may have some deep rooted beliefs that are running your actions that you need to take a look at. There may be some lies from the enemy that you have listened to for way too long. There may be some things your husband is doing you want to feel sad about. You will need to look at all that stuff.
The real question is, do you want to be married to your man? You can say you don’t respect him and yet you are choosing to be married to him. Why not go all in? Why not find a way to experience the relationship the way you want to? Why not quit existing one foot in,’ one foot out? What would your relationship be like if you went ALL in?
As you move to this impossible goal of being happy in your marriage it will require YOU changing. Not him. And the goal is not to make him happy. It is not possible to do that. You can’t control his thoughts. But your goal can be about how you show up, view and feel about your relationship.
As you move toward this change there will be fumbles.
You don’t sign up for college and know everything you will know 4 years later when you walk across the stage holding your diploma. A freshman is not supposed to know what a senior knows. When you learn to approach something in a fresh new way, there will be learning. When we set out to change our habits, we should expect failures and fumbles. That is all part of change.
Moving to an impossible goal we look at daily actions that ARE possible. And we simply take the next best step.
That is it. When you fumble, you go back to your belief and then you ask, “What is the next best step I can take?”
Commit to believing something that seems impossible. Move toward it in faith. Open yourself up to possibility.
When you pursue loving your marriage you end up with so
much more. It’s the person you become in
the process of believing and leaning into it all that is the greatest gain.