If you have been stuck in “relationship let down,” indulge your imagination a little bit. Imagine your marriage as more satisfying and fulfilling than you currently believe it is.
When we imagine a happier marriage, it will bring up all the obstacles that are currently blocking us from having it.
What comes up for you?
For most of us, what comes up is the things outside of our control.
- Who are husband is (or isn’t).
- The things he does (or doesn’t do).
- How different we are from our spouse.
The first rule in creating a happier marriage is not to put your spouse changing as the result you are seeking.
That never works. Believe me, I have tried and it only leaves you feeling helpless, powerless and frustrated.
The obstacles to your dream marriage are your feelings and actions, as well as the thoughts about your husband and circumstances. What are you making his behavior mean?
Simply put, to be happier, I must become a different person. It is in this process of becoming that the real treasure is found. Even more so than the achieving of a happier marriage.
This, in and of itself, is why I think we should aim for better relationships and lives.
Aspiring requires us to become the type of person who is willing to be exposed.
Humility is required.
Honest searching is in order.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. ” (Psalms 139:23, 24).
When we aren’t puffed with pride or hiding in justification, we become free.
We step into “redeemed”.
We are refined.
The process of heart examination anchors us to depend and trust in our Creator and Redeemer. We surprisingly find security and love as we volunteer our hearts.
We are no longer bracing ourselves or resisting others around us. That feels so amazing!
Additionally, moving toward a better relationship gives our brain structure and supervision.
Our brain is in many ways like an unsupervised child operating from a place of default. When we are intentional in our pursuits, however, that deliberate concentration tells our brain what to do.
When we move toward greater love, peace, and joy, we begin to do so from a place of abundance recognizing all that we already have.
The cool thing about pursuing a happier marriage in this manner is that you will become a better person in the process. It’s a win-win.